November 28, 2011
by Maxwell J. Provo
Jumpoid Stickman Game Review
You will curse Jumpoid and the obstacles you must avoid in it. You will hate the game for beating you every time you seem to get a leg up. You will swear at your computer and demand why you just couldn’t seem to beat a puny flash game. But most of all, you will not be able to tear yourself away and will stop at nothing to get as many of those worthless points as you possibly can. No easy task, I assure you.
What’s the objective of Jumpoid Stickman Game?
Jumpoid puts you in control of a Stickman who seems to have every sort of obstacle to avoid within his game window. There are nukes that run above him, shoes that come to squish him into oblivion, and there are trucks and bombs that also get in his way. Your job is to jump and move to avoid all of these. The longer you stay alive, the more points you rack up.
What keys do I used to move around?
You move about using the arrow keys. Every time a new hazard is about to try to screw up your stick mojo, there is a warning on the screen with an arrow showing where the nuke, truck, foot, or rising lava will come from. After that, it’s simple: stay alive. There is a bar to jump on for a temporary safe-haven, but don’t worry, it’s only a matter of time before you die. In addition to the strange things that try to kill you, there is always a bomb floating around no matter what. Of course you can avoid nuclear weapons, dodge rogue ice cream trucks, and get out from underneath massive boots, but no matter what it always seems to be that damn bomb that gets you every time! For those of you who think you know what you’re doing, you can latch onto the walls and stay there for a bit to avoid all of the hazards. For the rest of us, the easiest thing (and the tactic we will all used based on our own instinctual stupidity) to do is to just move about and jump up to the beam when it’s supposedly safe. It never is, in case you were asking.
Jumpoid is a challenge, no doubt. But the game is just asking for you to give it some more. It wants to be played so many times, over and over again. And you will go back to it over and over again, just like that old flame you can never seem to unfriend. Take up the Jumpoid challenge. I beg you. Your eyes will hurt, and after five hours of constantly hitting “retry” your brain will have fried like Colonel Sander’s favorite bird. But that’s all right, because you proved yourself swift enough to dodge a nuke. And how many of us can claim that?
Verdict – 4 SticksJumpoid,